Four swords: The Vaati Saga
by Dipturtle
Summary: A funny retelling of The Legend of Zelda: Four swords. Zelda had been captured by the demonic wind god Vaati and it's up to Link to save her! But to do the job he may need an extra set of hands... or maybe three. Please review!
1. Link's Awakening

"Are you coming, Link?" Zelda shouted to her childhood friend, who was laying in the dirt.

"Uh, yeah. Sorry." Link shouted back, brushing himself off. What kind of a moron am I, he thought to himself. Try to act normal around Zelda just once, he blushed. He ran and caught up to her. "So, what were you going to show me again?"

"Well," said Zelda. "If you were paying attention earlier, you would know that we're going to check on the seal of the four sword."

"What's the four sword?" Link asked. "As in the number four?"

"Yes." Zelda replied. "The demonic wind spirit Vaati is sealed inside of it, and I am afraid that the seal is weakening. If he escapes, I do not know what will happen. It could be the end of the world as we know it."

"Oh." Link said. He got an excited look on his face. "Does that mean I might get to fight him?! Yeah!" Link jumped with excitement.

Zelda smiled. "Yup. He's all yours. That is, if the seal breaks."

Link grinned.

"Well, it looks like we're here." Zelda said.

Link took a look at the four sword, his mouth wide open. He was eyeing it the same way he would look at Zelda in a bikini. "Wow." he said. "It's amazing. I can't believe such a beautiful blade could contain such a monster."

"Well, it may not contain him for much longer." Zelda said. As she lunged to check the seal, something burst! The seal had broken!

Out of the sword materialized a giant black ball of energy. It opened one large eye with a round red pupil. He looked at Link. "You!" it shouted. "You little green bastard!"

Link smiled. He blue eyes sparkled. "You must be Vaati." He said. "Alright, let's go!"

Vaati looked at Link with annoyance. "Wow, you sure became quite the moron since I last saw you."

"WHAT'RE YA TALKIN' ABOUT, YOU BIG, DUMB FREAK?!" Link yelled, quite pissed. "WHEN HAVE YOU SEEN ME BEFORE?!"

"Whatever." Vaati said. He picked up Zelda and slung him over his shoulder(If giant black spheres have shoulders.). "See ya."

"What?! Hey!" Zelda exclaimed, a rather delayed reaction. "What are you going to do to me, you big dumb eyeball?!"

"Why, I am going to make you my bride, sweet one." Vaati replied.

"What?! No! Link, help me!"

"HAHAHAHAHAHA!" Vaati laughed. Then with a flash of black lightning, he disappeared.

"Don't worry, Zelda! I'll rescue you!" Link yelled, pulling out the sword. He started tingling. "Wh-wh-what's happening?" Then everything went black.

A minute later, Link felt the pain of a hand slapping against his face, waking him up. "WAKE UP!" yelled an angry boy in a red tunic. Wait a minute, he looked just like Link!

"Don't be so aggressive, Red my dear." said another boy in a purple tunic. Wait, he looked like Link, too! "Didn't anyone ever teach you how to love?" He held a rose in his hand. "Blue, darling, come over here, he's awake!"

Another boy who looked like link was wearing a blue tunic and blowing on dandelions in the distance.

"BLUE!" shouted the Red Link. "HE'S TALKING TO YOU, DIPSHIT!"

Blue link turned around. "Oh, what?"

"Blue, my dear, green is awake!"

Blue walked over to the now-conscious Link. "Oh, hey!" He said. "We're the… um… what was I supposed to say again?"

"BLUE, YOU IDIOT, YOU SERIOUSLY FORGOT WHAT YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO SAY?!"

"Red, my love, just let me say it, okay?" Purple said.

"Hmph. Okay." Red said.

"Green, loved one, hello. We are pieces of you that represent your different emotions and qualities. My darling blue over there represents your ADHD and general ditziness. My love red represents your inner anger, and other strong emotions. And me, I represent your inner feelings of love and passion.

Link spoke. "Um, what?"

Everyone smiled. Except for red. "Hello!" they all said.


	2. Four Swords Adventures

"PURPLE, IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT HE PASSED OUT AGAIN!" yelled Red. Link had recently passed out once again from the shock of seeing 3 of his own face. His doppelgangers were working together dragging him to an inn.

"Oh, Red, I was just trying to explain everything to the poor darling with as much love as possible."

"WELL, IT DIDN'T WORK YOU MORONIC PIECE OF CRAP!" Red overreacted.

"Red, stop yelling, you're scaring away the butterflies!" Blue chimed in.

"Would you stop getting so distracted, blue? We're trying to drag him to an inn." Purple stated.

"We are?"

"DAMMIT BLUE, YOU'RE SO IGNORANT!"

"Red, my love, calm down."

"Hmph. Fine, Purple."

Eventually, they all made it to an inn.

The innkeeper greeted them with a question; "Are you guys gonna check in or what?"

"Uh, yeah, hi Ma'am." said Blue. "My name is um, Jefferson Steelflex." He wanted to be called something cooler than the color of the ocean. "This Green guy is named um, green… elf… boy… man… guy."

"Blue, you idiot." Red muttered. "My name is Cinder Fireblaze." He said.

Purple chimed in. "My name's whatever you want it to be, baby."

Red and Blue looked disturbed. This innkeeper lady wasn't exactly Kate Upton.

"Ooh, you're quite the charmer, aren't you?" said the innkeeper lady.

Purple opened his mouth to speak, but Red covered it quickly. "Don't listen to this idiot." he said. "Just get us a room."

As they made their way to their apartment, Purple uncovered Red's hand from his mouth. "I'll see you later, baby!" he shouted to the innkeeper, who blew a kiss at him.

In the room, they tucked Link into bed. "So, when he wakes up, what should we do?" Blue asked. "Because I have no idea."

"Goddess, Blue, you really are stupid." said Red.

"Okay Red, you tell us what to do." said Purple.

"Um… well…" Red pondered.

"How about we tell him how to find Vaati and save the princess?" said Purple.

"That sounds like a plan." said Blue.

"Except for one thing." said Red.

Then everyone talked in unison. "We don't know how!"


End file.
